November 26, 2013

where did i go?

this blog has seen better days, ya think?
it’s sad. i lost my voice… sorta.
damn that thing we call time. it mocks me.
and i think i gave up on my dreams.

it’s been a steady season of chaos over here..
the out of control kind
the kind where even if you begged for everything to simply stop for two seconds,
you couldn't.
cuz you’d be late to gymnastics.

well at least not until you come down with pneumonia.
then, time just waves like a fool from the deck, martini in hand.
and there you are stranded on insanity island (aka: your bed)
for 6 days!

never been this sick.
never had this much time to kill staring at the ceiling & at patrick my ceiling fan 
never felt so bored and/or repulsed by netflix’s poor movie selections.

i’ll knock on wood but tonight i think im finally coming back to the land of the living,
still can’t walk too far without gasping for air or turn my head/chest certain ways,
but im feeling on the mends. the fever is down. 
and thank GOD because i was so afraid to miss out on my favorite holiday. 
Adam is going nuts again, as usual. three turkeys! really?!

back to all that spare time i was talking about on insanity island.
i got to reminiscing, you know, clicking through old photos on fb and all..
and oddly, it dawned on me… i cannot remember a lot of it.
i mean i remember being there, but not sure i was actually there there.

multitasking has had the best of me.. which really boils down to half-ass slivers.
mind not fully in the moment. 
i'm feeding the baby a bottle, texting, and yelling at my three year old for pouring–once again–SAND into the bathroom sink.
and when does the juggling stop?
someone tell me it stops, and not just here on this god-forsaken death bed.

looking back on this year i was realizing how much we put off.
some of our favorite traditions took a back seat. no apples, no pumpkin patch.
and maybe for good reason with a new baby, therapy sessions, social worker craziness, and two in school..
life must be maintained, i guess it’s the nature of the beast,
papers signed, children bathed, emails sent, dinner made, husband hung out with.

but when do i get to savor it?

my eyes are open and the switch is off.
im ready to step off the carousel and take a stroll. 
im ready to dream again. 
and i'm just in time..

for NOW.
(oh december please don’t kill me. sigh.)

do you ever struggle with being in the moment? 

1 comment:

  1. YES. Been struggling with it a lot lately! I hope you are back to feeling 100% soon. Hope y'all had a great Thanksgiving (3 turkeys sound ah-mazing!) and have a happy and holy Christmas season. :)


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